


Date & Switch

by Xanthos_Samurai



Series: Idiot Boyfriends [3]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: Awkward Dates, Banter, Cuddling & Snuggling, Humor, M/M, Polyamory, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:09:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28737003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xanthos_Samurai/pseuds/Xanthos_Samurai
Summary: “I’m going to kill you both.”“You love us both.”“Doesn’t mean I don’t also want to kill you.”“And they say romance is dead.”Tim and Jason have been arguing non stop for over a week and Dick is sick of dealing with it. So naturally he tricks his boyfriends into going on a date with each other to try to work out some of their issues.Part of Idiot Boyfriends, a series of short vignettes about Dick, Jason, and Tim navigating their relationship with each other. But you don't need to read that to enjoy this!
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd, Dick Grayson/Jason Todd/Tim Drake, Dick Grayson/Tim Drake, Jason Todd/Tim Drake
Series: Idiot Boyfriends [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2061951
Comments: 5
Kudos: 98





	Date & Switch

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally going to be chapter 3 of The Care & Feeding of Idiot Boyfriends but it got long enough that I thought it deserved to be its own fic, so now it's just part of the series. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Thanks as always to Orphean for being a beta and sounding board and enabler!

The cell phone in Dick’s pocket had been going off almost non-stop throughout the entire interrogation. Some inborn sixth sense told him that it was Tim and Jason continuing the same asinine argument that they’d been having for almost a week. It was no easy task to concentrate on getting information out of a scumbag when your boyfriends were blowing up in your pocket.

He sat down at his desk and finally pulled his phone out to check it.

**26 text messages from… Voorhees & Timbo**

“What in the world are they arguing about now?” He clicked on the group text to look at their latest messages:

Voorhees: **I’m not even going to dignify that with a fucking response.**

Timbo: **Stop trying 2 sound liek an adult J.**

Voorhees: **At least I don’t type like I’m on a message board circa 2003 and I have an anime tiddy girl as my avatar.**

Timbo: **lmao takes one 2 kno one loser**

Dick scrolled back up through the conversation to try to find a reference to the source of the argument and finally gave up. He didn’t know if it was something in the water or what, but it had started the previous weekend when all three of them had been hanging out together at Dick’s place. He didn’t know what exactly had started it - all he knew was that he had left the house for twenty minutes to get coffees for them and had come back to a full-scale shouting match. After trying in vain to defuse the situation or at least get a clear explanation of what the issue was, he finally threatened to kick them both out. They’d quieted down at that, at least somewhat, but the tension had been _palpable_ for the rest of the day. Dick joked, cajoled, soothed and finally threatened to do something stupid if they didn’t end their fight but nothing he did made any difference. 

In fact, they were even _more_ hostile towards each other when they’d met at the manor for dinner a couple days later. That had turned into a shouting match too, but in front of Bruce, Alfred and Damian. Dick had felt the urge to apologize for their behavior even though it wasn’t even remotely his fault.

After that disastrous dinner, Tim and Jason mutually agreed not to speak for a while until they were both calmed down. Dick had hoped that some time apart would chill them both out so that they could at least talk, but clearly they had just moved the fighting to a new battleground.

 _They don’t even remember what they started arguing for in the first place. And now they’re just looking for every possible excuse to annoy each other._ Dick thought with exasperation as he tapped out a message. 

Duck: **I love you both but if you’re going to argue like this please keep it between the two of you and not in the group chat. It’s hard to solve a murder with my phone blowing up.**

He hesitated a moment, added a heart emoji at the end, hesitated again, and finally just hit send and put the phone down on the desk. Done. Sent. Gone. Nothing he could do about it now.

Silence. Sweet silence. Ten whole minutes of silence while, presumably, Tim and Jason continued their argument privately instead of where he had to read about it. For ten whole minutes, Dick was able to concentrate on work, on writing up the notes from the interrogation, and on a billion other things he was behind on.

And then there was a buzz. And then another one. And suddenly the phone was buzzing non stop because Tim and Jason were now texting _him_ instead of each other. And, judging from the general tone of the messages he was receiving, now they were pissed off at him too.

“Aaaaand that backfired amazingly. Good job, Grayson.” Dick pinched the bridge of his nose just like Bruce did whenever he was annoyed. “If these two idiots would just _talk_ to each other…”

Well now. That gave him an idea.

But before he could act on it, Dick put the phone on silent and threw it in a drawer. He wanted to think about this and not do anything rash. It might work out beautifully or it might backfire just like the text had. If it backfired, the possibility of this ending with them screaming _at_ him instead of _to_ him was high. Maybe higher than he wanted to deal with.

An hour later, when he decided to check his phone again, he was horrified to discover that he had _dozens_ of texts from both of them. On top of that, he had one missed call and a handful of texts from Clark as well, asking him why Tim and Jason were fighting this time. Dick didn’t even want to know how _he_ had gotten dragged into this, but it was the final straw.

“At this point I don’t care if they get mad at me. It’s not going to be any worse than them being mad at each other and taking it out on the rest of us. In for a fucking penny, in for a fucking pound…” Dick tapped out a message to Tim and hit send. Then he typed in another message, nearly identical to the first, and sent it to Jason. 

He set the phone down and waited.

Tim responded almost immediately, as Dick assumed he would. Jason took longer, nearly half an hour before he came back with a one word response.

Dick made a few quick phone calls, then texted both of them with more information. This time he got responses from both of them within a minute.

They both said yes.

Perfect.

Satisfied with his work, Dick put the phone back in the drawer once again and turned to his actual job. Now if only he could solve this murder as easily.

* * *

“Hi, I have a reservation for two. Should be under the name Grayson. He might have already arrived.” Tim spoke to the hostess. “Good looking guy, taller than me, black hair and blue eyes?”

“Oh yes, he’s already sitting down. Please follow me.” She gave him a smile and beckoned.

Butterflies fluttered in Tim’s stomach as he followed the hostess through the restaurant. He’d been on edge for days because of this stupid fight with Jason and because he knew that Dick was frustrated at the both of them because of it. It wasn’t Dick’s fault, and Tim felt bad that he’d gotten caught in the middle. It wasn’t fair and Tim _hated_ when things weren’t fair, especially when it was his fault that they weren’t.

He’d been trying to figure out how to apologize for his part in the whole debacle, but as a boyfriend and not just as a brother. It was… complicated trying to figure out how to approach each new situation in this relationship. The rules of engagement were different, but not _that_ different, and Tim very much wanted to get it right with both Dick and Jason. 

Jason’s hair trigger temper was part of what made him fun, of course. But sometimes Tim resented feeling like he had to make concessions that he shouldn’t have to make for the sake of keeping Jason from blowing up. It wasn’t a fair expectation, he thought, to always have to be the one to compromise and smooth things over. He honestly didn’t understand how Dick did it, and had been doing it for so long. But then again, Tim was keenly aware of the fact that he was not, nor ever would be, Dick Grayson.

But he could be _with_ Dick Grayson, and that was even better. Being with Jason was all unpredictable chemistry and raw nerves and, sometimes, emotions so intense that they actually scared Tim a little. Being with Dick, on the other hand, was thrilling in a different way. It was no less passionate, but it felt more like adding new steps to an old dance. They already knew how the other worked as brothers and partners so learning how to be lovers seemed like a natural progression, one that they could take their time with and just enjoy. He loved Jason but sometimes he also wanted to relax and enjoy the company of someone who didn’t feel like a time bomb waiting to go off.

So when Dick had texted him and asked if Tim wanted to go out on a date that evening, Tim jumped at the chance. Some one-on-one time with Dick sounded like just what he needed after the tension of the last few days. 

So Tim responded immediately that he would love to go on a date and asked what Dick had in mind. The response had been: 

**Reservation at Vincenzo’s at 7:00 under Grayson. Dress nice. :3**

Tim had laughed at the old-school kitty face emoticon. He texted like a message board troll on purpose because it was funny and because it especially annoyed Jason, but Dick used stuff like that unironically. At least Tim was pretty sure it was unironic. With Dick it could be hard to tell.

In any case, he had arrived exactly on time at the determined restaurant, dressed in black slacks and a blue-grey sweater that matched his eyes and that Dick had complimented him on before. 

The hostess stopped at a table that was clearly taken (there was a half-empty glass of water, the napkin was unfolded, and a black suit jacket was draped over the back of the chair) but currently unoccupied.

“Here’s your table, but I’m not sure where he’s gone…” She glanced at him.

“Oh that’s okay, he probably just went to the bathroom. Thank you very much.” He reassured her with a smile and sat down in the seat that hadn’t been occupied. She wished him a good evening and walked off, leaving Tim to wait alone with his butterflies.

* * *

Jason Todd studied himself in the mirror of the men’s room with a critical eye. Hair looked good. His white streak was on full display, which he knew Dick liked. His suit - a black-on-black three piece number that he’d had custom made when he was a crime lord - looked sharp as hell and he knew it. He especially loved how it looked without the jacket and with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He hoped Dick approved too.

It was so stupid, he thought, that he still got nervous whenever he went on actual dates. He and Dick had been together for years at this point, but them going out like this was still a rare occasion. Most of their relationship had revolved around them fighting crime together or had taken place behind closed doors when they were casual and relaxed. Dates were tricky when you were dating what was essentially your adopted sibling. You couldn’t let it look too much like a _date_ -date or else people would talk. And the last thing they needed was for people to talk.

So when Dick had texted him and asked him if he wanted to go out on a date that night, he hadn’t known how to respond at first. On the one hand, the _formality_ of a date made him just a little uncomfortable. On the other… fuck whatever other people thought. He loved Dick and he loved being with him and he didn’t care who saw them or what they thought about it.

He loved Tim too, of course, but his relationship with Tim was newer and less predictable and _complicated_. And, most of the time, that’s what Jason fucking loved about Tim. He loved that their chemistry produced sparks of anger as well as passion. But Tim was also stubborn, and stubborn in the same way that Jason was - neither one of them was willing to let go when they thought they were right. This week had been exhausting and, much as Jason didn’t want to admit it, he was almost ready to drop it just so the three of them could spend time together again. He didn’t realize how much he’d missed it until both Tim and Dick threatened to cut off communication until this whole thing got resolved.

Despite his initial trepidation about _dates_ , Jason had jumped at the chance when Dick had suggested one tonight. He loved Tim, but he’d been with Dick longer and being with him was like slipping into a favorite pair of worn jeans - there was something familiar and comforting about it. Plus, he wanted to make it up to Dick for inflicting his and Tim’s assholery on him all week. Dick didn’t deserve that, and Jason was honestly starting to feel a little guilty about it.

So when Dick had said to meet him at Vincenzo’s at 7:00 and to dress nice, he had gone all-out. If Dick wanted a romantic evening, he would deliver in _spades_.

Satisfied with his appearance and feeling confident, Jason gave his reflection a wink and a smirk.

“Lookin’ good, Daddy. Now go knock ‘em dead.” 

He’d hoped that Dick would arrive while he was in there so that he could make a grand entrance coming back to the table, and he was not disappointed. Sure enough there was a dark-haired young man sitting in what had been the unoccupied chair. Feeling playful, Jason walked up behind him and slipped his hands over his eyes. The young man’s shoulders jumped up as he flinched in surprise.

“Guess who,” Jason purred.

“Jason?!”

“Tim?!”

Jason jerked his hands away and Tim whipped around in the chair. They stared at each other for a long moment, both frozen in mutual shock.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Jason hissed. He stalked over to his chair and sat down with a huff, crossing his arms over his chest. “Go the fuck away, I’m supposed to be meeting Dick on a date.”

“What are you talking about? _I’m_ supposed to be meeting him on a date.” Tim hissed back at him. “How the hell did this even happen?!”

Then the two of them stopped and looked at each other, really looked at each other, as both of their brains whirred and tumbled and then came to the same conclusion.

“Dick.” They spoke in unison, Tim’s voice a groan and Jason’s a growl.

The synchronization startled them both and they blinked into each other’s confused faces. Jason was the first to break, turning away with a chuckle. The way he scrunched his face up in bemusement made laugh lines appear at the outside corners of his eyes. As always, warmth bloomed in Tim’s stomach at the sight of them. He had no defense against Jason’s laugh lines and suddenly he found it very difficult to remember why he had been so mad.

“We should have figured that Dick would do something like this.” Tim leaned back in the chair and dropped his shoulders out of their defensive hunch. “He threatened to do something stupid if we kept fighting.”

“This is certainly stupid,” Jason agreed. He sat back in his chair as well and looked around at the romantic setting. “This is some peak 90’s rom-com shit.”

Tim laughed and looked around too. It was an old-school type of Italian place, with dim lighting and candles at every table. Judging from the other patrons, the place seemed to cater exclusively to couples on dates.

“Do you think he picked Italian because he’s hoping we’ll make up and bring him leftovers?” Tim looked back at Jason. He didn’t want to go back to fighting, he realized. He wanted to stay here and enjoy this with Jason. He wanted to see those laugh lines again. 

“Oh probably. He’s never met a carb he didn’t like.” Jason was perusing the wine list. 

The play of the candlelight off Jason’s cheekbones and the planes of his face mesmerized Tim for a long moment. He tapped his toes under the table, debating if he really wanted to be the one to “break” and apologize first. What would he gain by holding out? What could he lose by folding? He debated what to say, how he could smooth things over without making a formal apology. Finally, he decided to just go with what he truly felt and took a deep breath,

“You look really good, Jay.”

At the exact same time Jason said,

“Look I’m sorry I’ve been an asshole.”

Again, the two of them blinked at each other. Then both of them burst into laughter loud enough to attract the attention of several tables around them. Under the glares of the other couples, the two of them took several moments to get themselves under control.

“So… Did you just _apologize_?” Tim grinned.

“No, of course not. You were telling me how pretty I am.” Jason deadpanned.

“I’m pretty sure you apologized for being an asshole.”

“And I’m pretty sure I’ve never apologized in my life. Tell me how good I look.”

Tim kicked him under the table, but not hard. Jason grinned his most crooked grin and, to Tim’s joy, the laugh lines reappeared in full force.

“Okay, yes. I apologized. I’ve been an asshole lately. We’ve _both_ been assholes lately, so don’t think that you’re getting off scot-free. But I might have been a bigger asshole. Slightly. Marginally.” 

“Yeah, I agree. You may have been a bigger one but I’ve still been a non-zero value of asshole.” Tim paused and his eyes met Jason’s across the table. “I’m sorry too, Jay.”

The candlelight caught the steel grey amid the blue of Tim’s eyes and Jason’s heart skipped a beat. When his eyes went like that, like the sky before a storm, it made Jason feel like all the air had left the room.

“...Are you okay?” 

Jason blinked. The blue-grey eyes were now full of concern and Tim was frowning at him. He shifted in his seat, wanting to appear cool and confident and not like a fucking dork who had just been struck speechless by a pair of eyes in the candlelight.

“Yeah I’m fine, why?”

“Because I said I was sorry and you did this weird little sharp inhale. Like a gasp almost.” Tim was still frowning at him. 

“I did not.”

“...You totally did. Why are you lying?” Tim sat back in his chair again, his arms crossed over his chest, chin tilted downward in challenge. 

Alarm prickled at the back of Jason’s neck. Fuck! Things had been going so well for a minute there - they had both apologized, both agreed that they’d been assholes, both seemed happy to be there together. That’s what he wanted. He wanted to enjoy being here with Tim. He didn’t want to fuck it up by saying something that would set him off again, especially unintentionally. 

Time to take a chance, Todd.

He leaned forward, elbows on the white tablecloth. He licked his lips slowly and looked Tim right in the eyes.

“Do you want to know why I gasped?”

Wariness crept in around the edges of Tim’s expression. He didn’t understand what Jason was getting at, so he wouldn’t lean forward, but he also refused to back away. 

“Why?” He asked.

Jason stared at him, deadly serious. 

“Because you take my breath away, bro.”

Tim wasn’t quick enough to completely smother the snort, but he did press his lips together so that he wouldn’t smile. He saw something shift in Jason’s expression, something that would be called relief if it wasn’t, well, _Jason_. 

“Bro, do you have a map?” Jason continued.

Tim fought to keep his expression neutral. It was an unconventional olive branch, but he knew that’s exactly what Jason was offering him. This wasn’t the opening volley of a new argument - this was an invitation to play. And Tim very much wanted to play with Jason.

“What do you need a map for?” He asked, playing along.

“Because I keep getting lost in your eyes, bro.”

Tim finally lost it and laughed, biting down on his knuckles so he wouldn’t be too loud. He leaned forward now too, elbows on the table in a mirror of Jason’s posture.

“Hey bro, do you know what this sweater is made out of?” He stared into Jason’s eyes now, keeping a straight face.

“No, bro. What is it made out of?”

“Boyfriend material, bro.”

“Oh my God.” Jason dragged a hand down his face and peered at him from between his fingers. “Are you serious? That was _so_ bad.”

“You started this.” Tim grinned at him like a shark. “This is _your_ fault.”

“I know it is, and I regret it already.” Jason pressed his fingertips to his lips in a kiss, then rested his hand on the table beside Tim’s. He pressed the kissed fingertips to Tim’s knuckles. It was the only kiss they could give in public, in Gotham. But the gesture, a gentle squeeze of fingertips on flesh, was more intimate, more loving, more meaningful than a hundred open-mouthed kisses could ever be.

“We’re going to have to thank him, you know. And apologize.” Tim twined his fingertips with Jason’s for a brief moment, then pulled away. He would show his love and affection later, in his own way. He’d make sure Jason knew how much he appreciated it.

“Thank who for what?” Jason started to look at the wine list again. 

“Thank Dick. For this. You know, for pulling the old date and switch on us.” Tim sipped his water and nudged the edge of his foot against Jason’s under the table.

Jason eyed him over the top of the wine list.

“Did you really just say date and switch? That is such a fucking Dick Grayson thing to say.”

“I’m going to be so happy if I thought of that before he did.” Tim cast his eyes heavenward. “ _Please_ let me have thought of that before he did.”

“I’m going to kill you both.”

“You love us both.”

“Doesn’t mean I don’t also want to kill you.”

“And they say romance is dead.”

* * *

_I wonder how it’s going._

The thought crossed Dick’s mind for at least the dozenth time that evening. He’d gotten his favorite Thai takeout and settled in for an evening of popcorn and horror movies to distract himself from worrying about it, but it was only halfway working.

Despite his low-key anxiety, Dick was actually feeling quite optimistic. His phone had been silent and he hadn’t heard any buzz on the police scanner that would indicate that Vincenzo’s had been shot up or set on fire, so he considered that a win all by itself. But it had been a few hours already and the fact that he _still_ hadn’t heard anything was odd. At the very least he had expected to get a “how dare you trick us you asshole” text, even if the date had gone well.

And he really hoped it had gone well. Jason and Tim loved each other. Hell, they _needed_ each other. They were better together than they were apart. It was obvious to Dick and he hoped it was obvious to them too, even if they sometimes ended up at each other’s throats because of it.

He’d be lying to himself if he said that he wasn’t a little sad that they were out there without him on a romantic date that he’d planned, but it was all for the cause. It wasn’t often that they got to do something as _normal_ as go on dates, but there would be other times. As long as they got better, he was happy. 

A sudden pounding on the door made Dick jump so hard that the popcorn bowl nearly went flying. He set it carefully aside on the coffee table and stood, shoving his feet into his slippers.

“Who is it?” He called as he shuffled to the door, even though he already knew.

“Superman and Wonder Woman. Open up.” It was Jason’s voice.

“Dude, you’re Wonder Woman. I’m totally Superman.” That was Tim.

The sound of the two of them bantering through the door made warmth spread from Dick’s stomach through his whole body. They wouldn’t be here together bickering like this if things had gone badly. He opened the door.

“Of fucking _course_ I’m Wonder Woman,” Jason was snapping at Tim, even as he had his arm around the smaller man’s waist, thumb threaded through one belt loop. “ _Obviously._ ”

“You do look damn good in a tiara.” Dick leaned against his doorway and grinned at the two of them, letting his eyes linger pointedly at Jason’s hand on Tim’s hip and the way Tim was leaning into Jason.

“I look damn _amazing_ in a tiara. Are you gonna look at us like the cat that ate the fucking canary or let us in?” Jason glared at Dick, but there was no real ire in it.

“Mm.” Dick opened the door and stepped back so they could come inside. He caught sight of a bag in Tim’s hand as they did so. “What’s that?”

“Tiramisu, your favorite.” Tim held the bag up and dangled it like it was a cat toy and Dick was a cat as they stepped into the living room. “Although we’re not sure you deserve this after tricking us.”

“But it worked! You’re not fighting anymore!” Dick protested, mouth watering at the possibility of tiramisu. “You can’t be that mad!”

“Mm… Debatable.” Tim handed the bag to Jason, who wandered past them towards Dick’s kitchen. Tim walked up to Dick and looked him up and down.

Dick felt, suddenly and strangely, underdressed as he stood in his own living room wearing an old t-shirt and Superman pajama pants. Tim was wearing that blue-grey sweater that did amazing things to his eyes and Jason… Well, from the way Jason was strutting through Dick’s kitchen, he knew exactly how fucking good he looked. 

God, they were both so hot.

“We talked about it and we decided that we both owe you thanks. And an apology,” Tim was saying.

He pressed his fingertips to Dick’s chest and pushed, forcing Dick to take a step back. There was a smirk on his face that was anything _but_ apologetic. Dick realized that his heart was suddenly pounding.

“That’s not the look of someone trying to apologize…” said Dick.

“Well, there’s lots of different ways to apologize…” 

Tim pushed him again, until the backs of Dick’s knees hit the cushions of his couch and he sat down hard. Immediately Tim was on top of him, straddling him, his hands on Dick’s chest, all but pinning him to the couch. 

Another hand, this one big and calloused, appeared on Dick’s shoulder, then slid across his collarbone and up his throat to splay across his jaw and force his chin up. Dick looked up and saw Jason’s upside-down face grinning down at him, eyes alight with something that would be called _evil_ if Dick didn’t know exactly what Jason’s love looked like. The sensation of being pleasantly trapped washed over him as he felt the heat and bulk of Jason standing right behind him and Tim’s weight shifting in his lap as he leaned forward to kiss the line of Dick’s throat exposed by Jason’s hand.

“Yeah, we’re gonna apologize to you all night long.” Jason purred down at him. He twined the fingers of his other hand in Dick’s messy hair. 

Dick smirked at them both. “I haven’t accepted your apologies yet. You’re gonna have to work for it.”

“Oh, we aren’t worried about that…” Tim nibbled his way up Dick’s throat as Jason forced Dick to keep his head still. “You saw how good we were at driving you crazy when we were fighting with each other… Now imagine how crazy we can drive you when we’re working together.”

Jason chuckled deep in his chest, and the sound combined with the sensation of Tim’s lips on his neck made Dick shiver involuntarily even as his grin widened.

“If this is what your apologies look like, maybe I should let you two fight more often…”

“Don’t get too excited… We also have to get you back for pulling a date and switch on us…” Tim smirked against Dick’s throat.

Dick blinked. “...Oh my God, why didn’t I think of date and switch?”

From above and behind him, Jason groaned as Tim dissolved into laughter. The sound was music to his ears even as Jason grumbled about idiots with their fucking puns killing the mood and Tim crowed in triumph about having thought of a pun that Dick hadn’t. Dick took advantage of the momentary distraction and reached up and yanked Jason down by the lapel of his jacket. He tumbled over the back of the couch and landed on them in a heap of flailing limbs and curses. Dick kissed Tim, then they both kissed Jason to keep him from being too mad. 

The three of them arranged themselves in a pile on the couch, limbs entangled and heads resting on any body parts soft enough to act as makeshift pillows. 

“Well the plan _was_ to seduce you,” said Jason, resting his chin on Dick’s hair. “You know, as an apology.”

“There’s still time for that.” Dick threw his leg over Tim’s with a contented sigh. “I want to enjoy this for a minute. Then you can seduce me.”

Tim snuggled against the both of them. “This whole evening didn’t exactly go according to plan, but… I’m not mad about it.”

Dick smiled to himself. Well… it had gone according to _his_ plan, but… maybe he wouldn’t tell them that. At least not until morning.


End file.
